What Dreams May Come
by Latona Enelra Caine
Summary: After months of traveling together, fate begins to test the limits of Red and Lizzie's relationship. However a burning question continues to linger in Red's heart. Lizzington.


**From my open prompts post on Tumblr:** _ **Red proposes to Liz**_

 _ **Thanks to pl3as3-tak3-m3-to-wond3rland for this one!**_

* * *

 _ **Man Like Me- Robert Downey Jr.**_

" _ **It's funny now when I don't show up on Monday,**_

 _ **They'll go nuts and eat their hats**_

 _ **Well….**_

 _ **What do you think of that?"**_

This life wasn't for her.

Red knew it from the very beginning. It was not something she was meant to go through…yet here they were, boarding his jet. Destination: God knows where. Red often wondered whether _he_ had been destined to carry this weight alone. We wondered whether he should have just turned his back on everything that he had seen back in Germany when it had all started…simply let the battle with the Cabal fall on someone else's lap.

What would his life have been like then?

Would he have grown old in that big white house with Carla? Sent Jennifer off to some prestigious university with the help of a few well-made honest connections?

These were the thoughts that had always kept him up at night in the past when he was out on the run by himself, with no one else to turn to. Red always managed to dig himself into that dark pit of his anger and sorrow, no light to be seen, no hope. Just….sadness…But things were different now. This time, he had company…

Lizzie.

She had a vice-like grip on his hand, almost as if she was afraid of letting go. Like the whole F.B.I task force would show up on the tarmac and sweep her away if she loosened her grip in the slightest. Her leg bounced slightly as she peeked out of the porthole window.

Red took his free hand and began caressing the back of hers in soothing circles, hoping that that would at least ease some of the tension that he could feel coming off her like waves. She was terrified, and he was the cause of all her fears. Red sometimes thought that it had all been for the best. Giving himself up, bringing her into the midst of his chaos. But Raymond Reddington was no fool. At the end of the day, he knew he had unleashed hell in the world of Elizabeth Keen; and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

* * *

 _ **Let the Drummer Kick (Instrumental)-Citizen Cope**_

 _The nuns dark silhouette bent over him against the dim light the heavyset curtains were strangling before letting it grace the room. He could not see her face. Her wooden crucifix hung over his face, demanding that he repent now, or be doomed to the fires of hell. A cool hand ran down his face, a blessed relief to his burning fever._

" _Please,"_ _h_ _e breathed desperately. He couldn't move. There was a stone on his chest._

" _Shhh…" The nun's quiet voice felt like an angel had wrapped its arms around him, protecting him from the world. "Sleep now."_

 _One thought ran through his muddled mind. "Lizzie…"_

 _Red reached up and clutched the crucifix in his palm, one last desperate attempt to let his hand slip past the darkness. He could hear a quiet litany of prayers. Moments later, his heavy eyelids fell and the world was dark again._

The room was dark when Red woke again.

Light slipped in through the lace curtains covering the French doors that led to a balcony overlooking the streets of Italy. He sat up, groggily rubbing at his sore neck and then threw the bed sheets back, swinging his legs out of bed. For a moment, he simply rested his elbows on his knees, listening to the chatter coming up from the outdoor market down below.

They had sailed in yesterday afternoon after being out at sea for nearly a week. Their last two days in the U.S had been hectic after Lizzie had been put on the FBI's Most Wanted list.

Number five. Right next to him.

Lizzie had been in shock for hours after they had arrived at his safe house in the Bay Islands up in Maine. Red held headquarters for his team there, leaving her in the care of Mr. Kaplan while he tied up loose ends with his business transactions and gathered a task force to keep eyes on them from afar when they set anchor down in Sicily. It was a well-kept secret that Raymond Reddington never traveled abroad without at least four body guards within 100 yards of where he was. He would find the old woman quietly conversing with Lizzie out in the gardens, walking along the cliffs, watching the sea kiss the shore. More than once, Red had felt a pang in his heart, knowing that eventually Lizzie would see herself as a lost fish at sea, just as he had after that cold December day…

 _ **March 12, 1971**_

"Wake up, Ray."

Raymond groaned when an explosion of light hit his eyes. He blinked his bleary eyes and saw his father at his dresser going through his underwear drawer. Ray felt his cheeks flare up in embarrassment.

"Dad?"

"Come on Ray! Get up buddy." Raymond watched as his dad grabbed a duffle bag from beneath his bed and began stuffing all the clothing from his drawers. "We need to leave. Now. Don't ask questions. Just get dressed. Quickly. Grab your jacket and put some boots on okay?"

Raymond jumped out of bed and nodded, grabbing his discarded jeans from the previous night and pulling them on, tucking his white crew neck into the waist band. As he did this, Raymond watched his father go to the vent above his desk. He took a pen knife from his pocket and unscrewed the frame and then carelessly threw it to the side with a loud crash that made Ray jump.

He began explaining as he reached inside with a grunt. "I hid some money in here when you were a baby for your college fund… but we might need to use it for something else."

Raymond nodded and stared at the wads of cash that his father threw into the duffle.

"Come on Ray! Boots!"

Raymond dove for the pair of Doc Martens he had received as a gift for his birthday several weeks ago. They were black and shiny, and he liked the silver ends of the laces.

"I have to go away buddy." He grabbed one of the boots and began pushing Raymond's foot into it and laced it up as just as he lacing the other one up with his small fingers.

"Why?" Raymond looked up at his father's hard, green eyes. He looked sad.

"I'm gonna go away son…we're going to go pay a visit to Father Silas down at St. Matthias. He's gonna look after you-"

"-But daddy what did I do wrong?" Raymond felt his heart pushing up towards his throat. His Dad dropped to his knees in front of him and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Nothing Ray, nothing..." He ran his hands down his face and pressed a firm kiss against his forehead. "It's just-I-" He choked back a sob and enveloped Raymond in a hard hug. "I made a few enemies buddy….with bad people….and if I stay…"

"Don't go ….please…"

"I have to…"

"Please- _Lizzie_!"

* * *

 _ **Please Don't Go-Barcelona**_

"Lizzie! Don't go! "

Liz ran into the bedroom and flicked the switch on. Red was thrashing around in bed, fighting some unknown demons. She quickly made her way to him and sat beside him.

"Please! Don't-" Red frantically pressed his head against his pillow, moaning. Liz grabbed his wrists and threw herself across his chest to keep him from rolling off the bed.

"Shh, Red..." She whispered into his ear.

He stilled and then tensed slightly.

"It's okay…it's just a dream. Wake up Red…"

He groaned something unintelligible, gasping in desperation. "Lizzie!"

"Come on Red, wake up, it's me, Lizzie…" She felt his breathing ease and he began to stir from his troubled slumber. His green eyes met her own.

"L-Lizzie?" He said, bewildered.

She stroked the side of his face in an attempt to calm him; she could feel his pulse racing at his neck. "It's me Red."

He let out frustrated sigh, shutting his eyes tightly. "Did I wake you?" He asked quietly.

"No," she said, and laid her head on his chest. "I was up already…."

He hummed. "Couldn't sleep again?"

She nodded.

With hesitant fingers, Red reached up and slowly ran his fingers through her hair, unsure of how she felt about this contact. She rarely allowed him to touch her these days, let alone her hair. Lizzie didn't protest, so Red relaxed and wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"I'll never leave you Red…don't be scared…"

Red felt his heart soar with ecstasy.

* * *

Red has always hated himself. However, for the next several months, that hate intensified to the point where he began a complex process of self-destruction. At night, when she slept…he sat in the corner of the room watching her sleep naked beneath the bed sheets. He gazed at the curve of her spine. The shape of her lips. The way her eyelids fluttered open every so often, seeking out his warmth beside her. She'd grown too attached to him. And for that. He hated himself. He couldn't allow this thing they have going on to continue. This wasn't the life he wanted for her. She deserved so much better than a monster that couldn't see past his own hideous reflection in the water. He was once a whale who had endured many battles at sea at the hands of power hungry politicians. Now he was at the mercy of his mind.

It didn't truly register to Red what he was doing to himself until she was standing right in front of him with a packed bag at her side. He stared without really seeing.

"I can't keep going on like this."

He did not reply. Made no movement to show that he had heard her.

"I can't watch you drink yourself to death while the rest of the world is relying on us to keep it from falling apart!"

Red watched a flock of swallows dive towards the sea and sweep upward towards the sky when they were inches from touching the water. He wondered idly to himself if he should touch up those swallow tattoos on his shoulder. He gotten them in memory of the family he had lost….he didn't want to lose Lizzie to the horrors of this lifestyle. She was much too precious for that to happen…

He felt her cool hand caress the back of his neck. "Goodbye Red."

He didn't exactly understand what was going on. Simply that he couldn't lose her. To lose her was an end to it all. An end to the meaning in his life. His eyes trailed to the door where she was walking, suitcase in hand.

He was shocked.

"Lizzie!" He said.

She stopped and turned to him.

"Please! Don't go…you promised." He choked back a sob. He tried standing from his armchair, but his legs felt too weak and he collapsed to his knees from the desperation coursing through his body.

"Please…I need you." He scrambled across the floor on all fours, trying to get to her as quickly as possible. He grabbed her hand and pressed his face against her stomach, and took the suitcase with the other, carelessly throwing it somewhere behind him with a loud crash. "I'm sinking and I don't know how to swim anymore, it's all out at sea."

The words made no sense to her for a second, but realization dawned on her. She held his head in her hands and lowered herself in front of him, pressing their foreheads together.

"Shhh, Red. I'm sorry…..I'm so sorry I didn't see it before. It's okay…"

"I-you can't go please…I-I-" He sobbed and pressed his face against her neck. Her arms wrapped around him protectively.

"It's okay it's alright we're going to stay afloat. We'll learn to swim together. I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

 _ **Letters to the Sky- Civil Twilight**_

" _ **One of these days the sky's gonna break  
And everything will escape and I'll know  
One of these days the mountains  
Are gonna fall into the sea and they'll know**_

 **That you and I were made for this**  
 **I was made to taste your kiss**  
 **We were made to never fall away**  
 **Never fall away"**

On days when she was cold and distant with him, Red felt as if he was only half awake…almost as if he was in a haze. Like the world wasn't truly there.

She was frustrated. He could see it in the way she would gaze out the window of their villa, always in the direction of where Washington would be. It hurt him to know that he couldn't do anything to ease her ire. No jewelry, no extravagant dish from the best Parisian restaurant, no view could get that soft smile she once gave him while sitting in her dark living room. He was willing to destroy his own empire just to get that smile back on her face…..just one more time.

Two years had passed since the whole Tom Connolly fiasco. Two years of traveling from country to country every couple of months; of showing her the wonders of the world….

Two years of giving her his soul.

It was true. Red Reddington had been saved by an angel. He simply had to give his up soul to her in order to win his redemption. Now he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to go back to America. Really there was no need for them to…the Cabal had been gradually destroyed the intricate system he had managed to create over the last 20 years…they had all the time in the world to simply be…them..

* * *

 _ **All My Days -Alexi Murdoch**_

" _ **Now I see clearly it's you I'm looking for**_

 _ **All of My Days**_

 _ **Soon I'll smile I'll know I'll feel this loneliness no more**_

 _ **All of My Days**_

All it takes is a whisper in his ear for him to crack beneath her gaze. He breaks, completely falls apart….

"I love you…" Her words felt like a faint breeze caressing his face like a tender kiss.

The kiss they shared was an explosion of heat and Spring. Like flowers blooming in a vast meadow. Red felt as if all the joy in the world had been poured into a wine bottle and he drank thirstily while her lips moved against his. It felt like a symphony was playing all around them, composed especially for them.

The whole time all Red could think was that this must be exactly what happiness felt like. He pulled back from Lizzie and gave her a heavy lidded gaze.

His words came out in a breathy whisper. "I lo- I lo-"Red paused, leaning his head against Lizzie's. He had waited years to say the words. Whispered them in his dreams, and now they were finally leaving his tongue for her to hear them.

"I love you…"

His world came together perfectly a few months later. They lay side by side on a bed in the balcony of their vineyard in Italy. He caressed her round stomach, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Hello my little one…you're giving your mother an extremely difficult week aren't you? It seems to me that you're going to make a magnificent soccer player judging by how many times you sent poor mom to the restroom after kicking her bladder around." Red grinned impishly at Lizzie who simply rolled her eyes and ran her hand through his hair. He pressed his head against her stomach and kissed it. "I promise you Lizzie. Everything will be marvelous!"

She laughed and continued to caress his head, he almost purred with pleasure as he shut his eyes. "I believe you Red."

"You've made me so happy Lizzie," he told her and then sat up, nuzzling her nose with his own. "So unbelievably happy so that I think my heart will explode with joy…"

Liz smiled and tried to kiss him, but he backed away with a wide grin.

"I wake up expecting to wake to nothing but darkness…but all I see is the bright light that you fill my world with. You make everything around you radiate with beauty Lizzie. And for the first time in years, I've never felt more alive…" He reached into his vest pocket and pulled a velvet box then opened it. "Make me the happiest man to ever breathe air Lizzie. Please. Will you marry me?"

Tears pooled at the corner of Lizzie's eyes. She nodded and laughed.

"Yes, I will!" She pressed her lips against his, tasting mint coffee and a more promising future.

* * *

 **" _The book of love is long and boring_**

 _ **And written very long ago**_

 _ **It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes**_

 _ **And things we're all too young to know"**_

Red felt the warmth of light and sunshine each morning when he woke up. He'd be in bed with the sheets at his waist when he would feel the tickle of soft breathing tickling his cheek. Other times he would find that he had dozed off outside while reading. No matter where Red was, that same feeling of peace always filled his heart when he would wake up, simply because he knew that his wife and son would be there to greet him when he opened his eyes.

Red couldn't think of a better way to be living his life…

* * *

 **A/N: Apologies to everyone who waited patiently for this story! Real life got in the way this past week! I hope you enjoyed this one, and as always, a big thanks to JackandSam!**


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